Would You Like Some Cheese and Crackers With That?

After following many child-rearing blogs, I feel very secure in saying that whining should have ended before any child reaches double digits in age. At least that is what all of the blogs, expert books, and my pediatrician told me. So what is it then called when your 11 1/2 (as I have been reminded upteen times today along with "what do I get?" questions - answer: A Clue) drags out ever syllable and adds a raised pitch when trying to force the second syllable from a single vowel. For example, "but" becomes "buuuu [pause for a different pitch] uuuuuuuut." Whining takes an entirely different toll when it comes from an adolescent. First of all, I can't pick up either one of my teens and put them in time out. They are too heavy for me and run faster than I can. Secondly, they don't march to their room when told to go there to stop. Finally, I can't absolutely lose it and yell because they can yell louder than me. Not to say that I haven't tried any or all of these. What usually happens is that I am laughed at and told how stupid I am. Strike one for the cool, collected mom.

Today I received a phone call at work from a whining child. The whining complaint about the sibling should go down as an orchestrated demonstration of every possible note on a piano as all of them were reached through a simple request to "Tell my sister to stop being my mother." It was also done so loudly that it caused my boss to stop at my office door and pause, and laugh at me as he was able to hear all of this from my phone's ear piece. Strike two for the professional mom that can separate and master the work and family world.

After the third phone call in which I gave up trying to mediate as having more than one house phone allowed my angels to fight with EACH OTHER and yell, scream, and whine towards each other for the better part of 10 minutes while I just sat and completed some work in silence, I decided that I would come home to remorseful and quiet children. This would be achieved by my limiting their access to 60 minutes per floor including designated boundaries for the computer, wii, and cable. Note to self: don't implement a punishment 20 minutes away from monitoring the said punishment. Anyway, I can home to be asked if we could go out for some fun. Now I am not sure who demonstrated a greater need for being committed - the angels for having the audacity to ask or me for giving in. My logic? Well, none but there was no whining. We get into the car, start to drive to our destination, and what happens? "Moooo [pause for change in tone]oooom, it is raaaaaiiiiinnnnnnng and it is coooooold." The other child and the more skilled whiner. "Fiiiiinnnnnneeee, I don't careeeeeee. I still want toooo goooooo." Strike three for the compassionate mom. And I am out. To the bench/couch I go.

What I realized from all of this is a few things. Teens whine louder and more deliberately than younger kids. they are also perfectly aware that they are doing this and have full control over their emotions so that whining in a logical world is unnecessary for conveying frustration or wants. So, what do I do and how do I handle the whining? My friends and family say go for the other wine but I would love your ideas. Batter up!